On November 8,
1973 our daughter Judith was born. What was intended to be a beautiful
and happy day turned into a day of ultimate tragedy because the full-grown
child choked during delivery by getting tangled in the umbilical cord,
and thus came into this world lifeless.
How does one cope with such a
tragedy? How to tell it to your other kids, then only two and three
years of age? How do you continue on with the intense sorrow in a
world in which, in those days, there was hardly any place for ideas
like karma and reincarnation? Why were we not allowed to see the little
girl and why was her body put into another chamber almost immediately?
Two days later I buried Judith
- with my mother and the undertaker by my side - in her little coffin
into the Earth in a big graveyard. My wife Annie was not yet healed
and unable to attend. I cried and the heavens cried with me too, for
right at the moment that the coffin was lowered into the grave the
clouds poured out in a heavy deluge that washed away my tears. But
for my grief, no, not in the least.
During the following years, November
8th became a day of remembrance together with our other children.
Judith retains a place in our family, even in the non-physical. Annie
and I feel intuitively, however, that it is not good to cling to her
too much in our thoughts. Yet she always plays her play in the background
in a very subtle way.
Over time the all but unbearable
pain of sorrow slowly reduced into a lighter resonance of it. While
step by step we became acquainted with more spiritual values, a consciousness
gradually began to enter that Judith is actually here, and not only
in our minds. Bit by bit it became possible to talk about the notion
that she exists - somewhere between heaven and earth - and thus the
feelings deepened every anniversary from pain to resignation and then
to a beginning of acceptance.
Gradually I learned about spirituality,
and began to know more certainly that Judith still lives. Through
my spiritual studies I developed a connection with a guide named Magda.
It was during a conversation in 1998 that I asked her the following
"Now another question. Judith
would have become 25 years of age next November 8th. May I know how
she is doing?"
The answer came literally as
follows: "With much Love I can tell you that the soul of Judith
is doing very well. She is making much art in the form of beautiful
trees and decorations. Besides she is taking part in scientific experiments
and she is very happy. With Love she also takes pleasure in music".
I am delighted and say: "This
is so good to hear! Is it possible to send her my greetings and to
tell her that I am happy that she is doing so well?" The answer
to that is as follows: "But of course, dear Hans. With much Love
it is done. These are beautiful moments when the people of Earth and
the people of the Spirit are able to be in contact with each other".
I am overjoyed, because I now know for certain that Judith is where
she belongs, wherever she is, and that it was for the better for her
to decide not to incarnate after all. I accept!
Judith's fictive 25th birthday
would have fallen on a Sunday. The day before this anniversary I wanted
to buy a nice bouquet of flowers. When I arrived at the florist's,
it appeared that they were just about to close, but they still had
one bouquet left. The basic colors of this gorgeous bouquet contained
two very special hues of blue, and for the next several weeks these
beautiful flowers decorated our living room.
The day of the anniversary I
am working in the attic, when suddenly an enormous feeling of Love,
security, and faith moves over me. A short distance before my eyes
appears a cloud of compassion, and as this cloud rises a young woman
emerges and smiles at me. In an instant I know for certain that this
is Judith! She wants to make it clear to me that she is there, and
that she is experiencing the radiance of life, and that this life
is good. Judith also emanates a certain form of regret that she had
to cause us so much pain. Yet I feel that this pain also has been
a purification and a lesson to learn that without pain happiness cannot
exist, without fear no love and without struggle no peace.
My daughter wears a beautiful
blue gown, exactly the same hues of the bouquet I bought the day before.
Her long blond hair, which falls around her shoulders compares so
splendidly with these colors that she seems to me to be a fairy, an
angel, a messenger from God.
After a few minutes the image
slowly fades away and I feel as if I am in the highest state of happiness
and bliss. After coming down from the attic I tell Annie of this miraculous
event, and although she is still a bit skeptic, she can tell from
my beaming radiance that that which has happened to me is real. The
experience brought us closer together and deepened our understanding.
This happened almost 41/2 years
ago. The continuation of this history lies on the eve of my birthday,
a few years later. I had set the intention to speak with my deceased
family. Almost immediately an affirmation followed from my dear guide
Magda, and I was able to contact Judith directly - for the first time,
almost as if with sound – who spoke to me very cheerfully and said:
"Hello daddy, how do you do?”
The conversation that followed
was brief but heartening, and all I can say is that I am so very thankful
I am able to experience these things. This makes it possible to put
the whole experience into a more ‘common’ perspective, and to look
back with Love on all our experiences. To know that Judith is doing
so well causes an unforgettable and valuable joy that words fail to
make clear. The pain I had experienced is now transformed from compassion
via love to a far-reaching form of acceptance that we know for certain
now that Judith lives.
In the meantime a new episode
is added to this story. In April 2000, I attended a weekend seminar
in Nijmegen, the Netherlands. With a number of Lightworkers I experienced
‘three magic steps,’ with Steve and Barbara Rother. On my way back
by train I created a cocoon of silence around me, and contacted Magda,
who responded immediately and told me that there was someone else
who wanted to exchange thoughts with me.
It was no less than Judith who
again was very joyful and told me that she had stopped the scientific
experiments, and that she currently fulfils a ‘trainee post’ with
Magda in order to learn the profession of Spiritual Guide. Thus she
expects that in the future we will have more opportunities to communicate
with each other, and she very much looks forward to that. That day
a beginning is made between the two of us, and maybe sometime in the
future we will be able to publish our work. It leaves me feeling very
Then recently, on another train.
Diagonally across from me on the other side of the aisle a young blond
woman is seated. I know ‘for sure’ that I have met her before somewhere.
However I cannot decide where and when, and for a considerable period
of time I am speculating about this. Her cell phone rings, and the
young lady answers her phone with a short: “Judith speaking.” Right
then the riddle is solved. If ‘our’ Judith would have been alive today,
it is my understanding she would have looked like this young woman.
Estimated age and outward appearance are alike, and immediately this
is asserted loud and clear from the other side of the veils. My feeling
is right. It does not need any further notice that I am passing on
my gratitude to ‘above’ immediately.