photo: Wouter van der Kruit.
One Heart, One Mind
Translation: Hans Brockhuis
Do you also recognize that feeling from your youth, when you spoiled someone with a bunch of self picked flowers from nature?
In most cases they were meant for my mother, but yet... I cannot give them to her in this reality anymore! Last year she left this EARTH, just at the moment that we had come together once more, better than ever. At last we had found this place of oneness and love within ourselves..., our inner SOURCE! The energy was flowing so nicely.
How bitter it was to say farewell....
During the time that followed, it felt as though the ground had fallen from under my feet. My ‘roots’ could not find footing. The large oak tree, which I often looked at when I was outside for a little while, while enjoying the garden and the sun, before visiting my mum, just looked the same, but then, so much has changed.
There have been many ups and down in our relationship. Often I had the feeling that I was not understood. Sometimes even such a thing as duality had occurred. It was only when I was much older, when I was able to talk about my feelings much better, she told me she had seen how difficult it had been for me. She always had trust that I could handle it just by myself, and when I needed help, I would ask for it.
Despite this sentiment, she had felt she was not a perfect mother particularly on an emotional level, because materially she always supported me greatly. That is the way I got my dear cat SUZIE, (I have written about her before), from her, to compensate the loss of my former cat Radjah.
She also told me that she had difficulties when giving me physical warmness, because she herself did not receive any when she was a child, growing up as she had in an economically difficult time.... Afterwards more exchanges followed, in which we learned to understand each other’s feelings better and better and I gradually started to see her with ‘different’ eyes.
One day I bought a huge bunch of flowers for her. I embraced her and thanked her that she had wished to be my mother! What a relief for her, a large burden had come off her shoulders. I am so happy that I could say it to her when she was still alive.
When I grew older and got much more information about being prudent with nature and that we are doing things the ‘wrong’ way, the urge disappeared to just pick the flowers spontaneously. Instead, it was replaced by a sentiment of fear. This emotion increased through the years and even to such a level, that even a feeling of guilt came up when plants or shrubbery in the garden had to be pruned, or even worse, removed. I did not want to be the one to bring harm to nature.
When a motorway was to be built in our area, and many trees had to be felled, a feeling of powerlessness came over me. Once again nature was the victim of all renewals. Yet, during the building of the motorway something in my awareness changed positively. My eyes did not see just negativity!
When the road was finished and everything had returned to normal, I discovered that nature got gradually back her beauty in sections of ground that had been, as it were, returned to her. In the dirt, that was shoveled there during the work, seeds were included, and during the spring an abundant sea of flowers emerged. I was very touched by this and suddenly the urge emerged to pick some of them. Even then, I didn’t dare to, because I was afraid to disturb the harmony.
It felt so delightful to BE alone and in the middle of all this beauty of aromas and colors, and I wanted to take home a sample of this energy! I knew I had to overcome this old fear of devastation. So I picked a few and when I was busy I could hear the serene voice of the sedge warbler in between the waving reed (Acrocephalus schoenobaenus). It sounded like a sonnet for and about nature and I took my time to discover the little bird, silently wishing he would show up. Just for a moment, and when I obviously came in too close and while it moved, I captured a glimpse, I was the happiest person in the world.
When I got home, I put the flowers in a vase, I could feel the appealing full energy of the Cow Parsley, (Anthriscus sylvestris), complimented with several types of grass. The aroma’s sang and danced through the room. Delightful. More often than not I took a look at my ‘own florist shop´. In that healing place I felt completely absorbed. I just had to be there, not having to do anything. Posing no questions why I was there or what I came here to do. Just BE present. Looking around and listening to the lovingly beating heart of Mother Earth and the Universe. A totally timeless sentiment. A sentiment of One Heart, One Mind. The universal oneness with all that is and from which we are shaped.
What a luxury! and I realized I was completely at home once again. I only had to go to this place of oneness and love in nature and in myself, and my sorrow and problems ceased to exist.
As the season goes by, the flowers in this happy place become withered and I get this gloomy feeling of what is going to happen now. Do I once again buy my flowers at the florist’s? (Because I always have a bunch of flowers in the house). These flowers are beautiful too, but then… I have grown so accustomed to these lovely moments in nature and coming home with a bunch of self picked flowers, so full of energy, that it almost gives me a sullen feeling of having to say good bye. Wait until next spring? Nothing else to do.
In October we come via a farm shop into contact with a few real estate owners who want to return some parcels of land to nature against a fair compensation. These parts will not be mowed anymore and everything can carry on as usual. Grasses, wild flowers and plants which we thought to be vanished, are coming back. The animal realm does it’s bit too. Animal droppings from creatures such as roe-deer are spotted.
When we go there to a kind of dyke-like terrain, we cannot believe our eyes. Here, my all time favorite, the cow parsley is blooming in abundance even though it is a a spring blossom! Also the Conium (Conium maculatum) is present. This one looks like a small variation of Hogweed but it isn’t poisonous.
Would it be possible that the serenity that reigns in this area has caused this second bloom, or is it not possible elsewhere because of the regular mowing? Or are other factors at work here? It is special though, that it is possible for me to be able to pick so many beautiful flowers in this time of the year.
In the meantime we have transformed part of the garden in such a way that it seems to have become one with free nature. Many types of grasses and wild flowers flourish here, alternating with water. Oh well, we worked and sweated a great deal to accomplish this. And to be true, there were things that had to be removed, before something else could be positioned instead. But the results are fascinating. A great variety out of the plant- and animal realms came al by themselves to our garden. It seems to impart some kind of magnetism to each other and it feels as if that what appeals to us so much in the natural world – unspoiled and being yourself – have taken root in our own garden as wells as within ourselves.
In the midst of this piece of ‘untouched’ nature a huge vase is placed that was given to me once by my mother. It is filled up with self-picked flowers from nature, just like before when I used to pick them for her. It looks like a revival of the old days and once again I believe I am a joyful child. I can sense her love around me…, together…, One Heart, One Mind. Each of us in our own reality, but always linked in oneness. Primal power, gigantic!
…My Dearest Mother.
From the depth of my soul I hope that you will be able to experience this feeling as well.
Much love, Maja.