Written with Love Written Special



Nora, 4-5-2008


People go to therapies to change what Is.
But full healing happens when you let go of the belief
that what Is needs to be changed.
Radical healing is the acceptance of what Is.

Nin Sheng

Although I walked many paths of life several times already, that of letting go seems to be the road that is the most hurtful. We often get these lessons very early in life, some earlier than others, but we certainly will Receive them… And just as we think we digested the gist (?), they will come back, in another outfit, another form, another level. Then it will start materializing and acts upon all layers of attachment. Be it a member of the family, a friend or a relative, it cuts, slashes through the heart and leaves back Traces. Traces that are clearly obvious for others. It is our task to decide which kind of traces we want to leave behind.

By making choices on surrounding features we create possibilities in which we will become terribly lonesome or either very rich. We cannot see that many of these things to which we are devoted only stay with us if we in actual fact are able to release them. During those hurtful moments we cannot see that it would be much better to let them Be as they Are. Often it feels like it is outside of Your Will, although in reality it is The Path.

Let me sketch an example.
Because of the ‘choices and surrounding features’, I early became an ‘al-one-standing-mom’. It was a tough road but I never thought of depriving the children from Their Father. I did not have the right, although I wanted it in order to ‘protect’ them. It was not for me to judge who and what he was for them and what he would mean in their lives. They would dis-cover it for themselves. When the oldest was still young and had experienced many a disappointment because he felt daddy was not behaving as his daddy, he asked me: “Mommy, why did I choose this daddy?” I was dumbfounded, I just knew it was his little Soul talking to me once again. That Soul with whom I had this very deep connection and used to have many telepathic conversations with. I told him that this was a question he only could answer himself. “I already know”, he said. “I chose this daddy to Be another daddy myself”. It warmed my heart and I smiled.

But not for long. Give man enough disappointments and he will forget what it was he came here for. Many expectations are not fulfilled and he walks in ignorance and pain. That is the way Man is created.

When my son got fifteen and started to explore boundaries that stood square against my own system of standards and values, he decided to live with his father. I almost suffocated. Here I was... As if All Life was pulled out of me. He already got so much pain and in my heart I knew that it would become even worse. And I, I wasn’t able to protect my child against this… What kind of mother was I who couldn’t protect her child against the pain and sorrow that was to come…?

Things moved, his room became more bare each day, as was the case with my heart. With a bleeding heart I cleaned up his room and with each stroke while washing the windowpanes I visualized looking with his eyes and wished he could see the world as it Is…That what ever he should need to See, would come to him in a clear way. Because Clarity, does contain pain.
I took up items from when he was a baby and looked at pictures of more or less remarkable moments in his life. I terribly missed my child and my ego was telling me that it was very ungrateful that I who had cared for my son during 13 years, now was abandoned so soon.
And when ‘my ego’ speaks, I listen, but do not follow. It is my warning for settling back in lamentation. It is the ‘poor little me’ awakening.
Ego is but part of me, it is not who I AM.

And that I AM being, saw, my child is not My Child. He is not ‘mine”, and just like me, does not like to be ‘of someone’. For he, just like me, belongs to many, but I AM only mine. He is an individual, He is a Soul on a journey, a Soul on it’s Way, just like me. He has the right to Experience Life the way he chooses it.
He, this little Creature, has picked Me because I See him, because I Love too much in order not to make those Choices that are all his and belong to His Path. Even if those choices conceal soul-grief…
Nobody, and certainly not I, can protect him from that, such is Life. If I would put My Will in between, I’d use power, creating chaos. But If I am to keep the deep bond, the connection with him, I just had to let him Free. And I could do Nothing then simply Let It Be.
And I realized… A True Mother Releases Her Child…

Through this In-Sight, I was able to Let him Go. I was able to see my own inner processes and saw how much of this wasn’t revolving around him, but around me, about what I Wanted, about my patterns of expectation of his Life, about satisfying my motherly feelings.

When I was pondering this, Nickelback was playing in the background a popular song. It penetrated me completely and I will forever link this ‘co-incidence’ to the message that was imbedded in the song: “This is how You remind Me of how I really AM”…

During that period I learned a lot, but above all I Understood that by letting him Be, and Releasing him In Love, he was Always able to stay who he really Is… Furthermore I learned that by the choices he made, that I related to pain, he could not have given me a more precious gift. He taught me how to look deeper down inside of MySelf, he taught me the Power of the Now, he gave me Knowledge-of-Self…

We both have known years of stormy weather, spoken languages that we both didn’t understand, but we always Let each other Be who we are and lo…
He is going on 21 and again I envisage that little bloke I know so well, who once again sends out telepathic messages and what’s more, is receiving them as well. He will always be ‘my kiddo’ and I will always be there, for him. To help him up when he stumbles, to lend him an arm to which he can put himself upright to and move on, but I’ll never ever tread his steps… because it holds him back, as well as myself.

Love, Liberates, Sets Free; Let it Be and Let it Live and Inspire.
Call it Release…

Okay, and now on to the next lesson.
The ‘little one’ who is as old now as his brother was back then, just now announced that he wants co-parenthood. Again my Soul reminds me that an umbilical cord is not made of titanium…
Funny though, much more is here to learn, experience is awaiting, in another outfit, another form, another level. Again one step closer to more self-knowledge, more letting go/Release…
Let us be thankful for the lessons that are brought to us, they are not our enemies.
And let this be the Trace I leave behind for my children.

By the way, while finishing this piece my media player has chosen a song. The last one, the end of writing, the end of these notes. Marco sings:
“Saying good-bye doesn’t exist. J

Walk Tall and Softly